6 Blurb Writing Tips

When I first decided to self-publish, I scoured the internet for advice and help. Let's face it, as a self-pubber, every aspect of getting my book ready and out into the public was going to be up to me. And I had a lot of learning to do.

Now that I've got some experience under my belt, I like to pay it forward. (You can check out my other tips under the self-publishing tag.)

So here are my tips on blurb writing.

A Blurb is not a synopsis – A synopsis is a brief rundown of your entire book. It usually gives away the secrets and the ending. A blurb should hint at those secrets.

For example, a blurb makes you ask, “What’s in the box?!”

The synopsis will tell you what’s in the box. And to be honest, if I’d known what was in the box, I wouldn’t have watched the movie. DON’T GIVE TOO MUCH AWAY.

Keep away from expository writing – This isn’t the place for long descriptions of backstory or setting, or even describing a character.

It should be enticing – Think of it like a commercial or a movie trailer. Make you want more. If it helps read your blurb like the famous movie trailer voice of Don LaFontaine. 

               

It should be short and punchy – Make every word count. Use emotive words, concentrating on actions.

Present tense – This isn’t a hard rule, it’s just usually how they’re done. I dare you to pick up any book and read the back cover, odds are, it’s written in present tense. The blurb doesn’t have to be written in the same tense as the story.

Third person – Again the POV doesn’t have to match the story, generally blurbs are written in third person. However, there are some awesome blurbs written in first. Just make sure you have a great voice and reason for using it.

Below I have an example of a blurb I helped a writer with. Check out the before and after.

Original:

“Crestfall University, founded in 1786, derived its name from the twelve founding families of the school itself. The six Native families were cast out of their tribes, and six families of European descent were emancipated from their founders once their dream of a school of equality was set forth into becoming a reality. To commemorate the losses that each group had endured, the familial crests – and in the Native’s case, tribal symbols – were woven into the school itself. ‘Crestfall’ was born under the idea that each family had ‘fallen from grace’ in the eyes of their elders, and so the name of the school itself is a reminder of one of the many sacrifices which the founders made.” 

While most colleges struggle with rival football teams, these walls hide a different kind of rivalry. 

A rivalry between the mind and heart. 

Love versus lust. 

Good versus Evil. 

Crestfall University stands tall and regal against the forested backdrop of Unity, South Dakota, and numerous secrets lie among it's stone walls. Two sisters learn the hard way that their fates within the halls of Crestfall offer much more than a degree, and that blood is thicker - and stranger - than water. 

Sailor Landwell is a dedicated pre-med student whose only goal is to graduate with honors and attend the finest medical school possible. 

Amelia Landwell is less than focused but thinks she has finally found her calling in anthropology. 

Meeting gorgeous frat boys Rafe Catori and Marrok Tala seems like the icing on the collegiate cake, until it becomes painfully obvious that the two of them are keeping secrets bigger than the Landwell sisters could ever imagine. How far will they go to uncover to truths of Crestfall, and more importantly, at what price? Murder, mystery, and the supernatural collide in Crestfall - Book One of The Crestfall Saga, the debut novel from Ashelia Raven. 

Edited version:

Sisters, Sailor and Amelia Landwell are excited to start their first semester at their grandfather’s alma mater, Crestfall University. While Amelia is less than focused, Sailor plans to get through the next couple of years with no distractions, graduate with honors, and go on to the finest medical school possible.

Enter distraction number one, the sexy and playful frat boy, Rafe Catori. The more Sailor tries to keep her distance, the stronger her attraction to Rafe grows. It doesn’t help that his best friend has taken a liking to her sister, Amelia, so the boys are always hanging around.

Soon, the Landwell sisters realize the frat boys are keeping secrets bigger than they could ever imagine. And that while most colleges struggle with rival football teams, the walls of Crestfall University hide a different kind of rivalry. One that could mean life or death. But how far will they go to uncover to truth, and more importantly, at what price?

------

What do you think? Better?

Since I used Ashelia Raven's book as an example, I'll include the link for her book Crestfall. You can also check out my review of Crestfall in an earlier post.

I love helping out and reworking blurbs. Do you need help? Let me know.

Should Indie Authors Hire Editors?

Recently I retweeted this meme. -->

“Have several writer friends proofread.”

At the time I thought it seemed like decent advice, at least it’s something if you can’t afford, and therefore, won’t be hiring an editor.

It’s not.

As an author self-publishing, it is your duty to hire the proper professionals.

Hiring a cover artist and having a great cover gets readers to pick-up your book.

Bad editing will make a reader put it down.

"Meh. Maybe not so much."

Bad editing is what gives self-publishing a bad name — and we’re not talking about asking your aunt, who happens to be an English teacher, to proofread your manuscript. You need a proper editor.

Think about it. A publisher would never receive a manuscript and send it right to print without going over it with a fine-tooth comb, whether you're a new or seasoned author. And they aren’t only looking for spelling and punctuation.

Things your editor will be looking for

• Tightening sentences

Cut superfluous words –

Why say it in five words when three will do? Novel writing isn’t like middle school essay writing. I’m sure you know what I mean. We all did it, added extra “ands” or anything else we could to fill that 2-page essay. More words doesn’t mean better.
Example:  The manager of the bank

Instead:  The bank manager

Cut repetitive words –

For example:  She walked over to the door and opened the door.

Instead:  She walked over and opened the door.

Not just in the same sentence:  A chill settled on her skin. She wrapped her arms around herself, but couldn’t chase the chill away.

Instead:  A chill settled on her skin. She wrapped her arms around herself, but couldn’t chase it away.

These are just things that tend to stand out or trip up a reader, taking them out of the story.

• Consistency

Be consistent with your spelling and terms.

For example:  If you’ve been referring to a weapon as a knife, don’t suddenly call it a dagger; or reference a soul, when up til now it’s been a spirit.

Use consistent style guides. (Chicago Manual, APA, MLA, etc...)

For example:  AM/PM vs A.M./P.M. and ok vs okay

• Punctuation

Watch for correct use of and commonly misused punctuation. A big no-no is excessive exclamation marks. They should be used sparingly and almost never in narrative.

• Grammar

Making sure of correct use of words like:  was/were, is/are, who/whom, further/farther, lay/lie, and so on...

Watching for things like:  clichés, split infinitives, and overuse of dependent clauses ending in “ing”

• Dialogue tags

Keep them simple:  said, asked, whispered, shouted, etc…

In addition to keeping it simple, try:  “Nice to meet you,” he said.

Instead of:  “Nice to meet you,” he said to her.

Watch for excessive dialogue tags. You don’t always need one. Try adding action to convey mood and speaker.
Example:  "I'm stuffed," Dan said. He was so full, he couldn't eat another bite.

Try:  Dan threw his napkin on his plate and leaned back and stretched. “I’m stuffed.”

• Tense and POV

Making sure the tense stays consistent throughout your story:  past or present

Watch for head-hopping. This is different from an omniscient point-of-view. Head-hopping is when the point-of-view switches characters within a single scene, and without proper transition. The writing can feel choppy. The reader can become confused and feel disconnected, not knowing who they are supposed to identify with.

I found a great example of head-hopping (shown below) on THIS blog.

Jake rolled down the window half an inch, a smirk spreading across his face. The slut would never find her way back without him, and no one would find her until the coyotes had picked her bones clean.

Anna yanked at the door handle. Her chest felt heavy, her lungs unwilling to suck in a full breath. “Unlock the door, Jake. This isn’t funny anymore.”

Jake’s cold blue eyes stared into hers. After all she’d made him suffer through, he was going to enjoy this moment. Savor it like a medium rare T-bone steak.

Now let’s break it apart.

Jake rolled down the window half an inch, a smirk spreading across his face. Sounds like we’re in someone else’s POV here. Someone who’s watching Jake. If we were in Jake’s POV, this would read Jake rolled down the window half an inch and smirked. The slut would never find her way back without him, and no one would find her until the coyotes had picked her bones clean. We’re hearing Jake’s thoughts in Jake’s voice. It’s him, not the author, thinking of Anna as a “slut.”

Anna yanked at the door handle. Her chest felt heavy, her lungs unwilling to suck in a full breath. Now we’re firmly in Anna’s head. Only she can describe how her chest feels and the dread settling there. “Unlock the door, Jake. This isn’t funny anymore.”

Jake’s cold blue eyes stared into hers. Still in Anna’s POV since she’s the one who can see Jake’s eye color. After all she’d made him suffer through, he was going to enjoy this moment. Savor it like a rare T-bone steak. Jake’s thoughts in Jake’s voice again.

I apologize if some of my examples are lame, but hopefully you get the idea.

Writing tips "by zombies"

If you're a writer you probably have several --if not dozens-- of notebooks lying around. I do. Some have specific purposes and others are filled with all kinds of notes, writing exercises, and doodles. One of them has the date of my next dentist appointment scribbled in the top corner of a page, unfortunately I can't remember which one. 

But I have one notebook that I keep separate from the others. It has a hard cover with a butterfly on it. This is where I keep writing related tips. It has definitions and examples of common terms, punctuation, grammatical rules, sentence structure, and often misused words.

I've decided to share some of my notes with you. Maybe you'll find something helpful.

• Expository: adj. intended to explain or describe something.

Using exposition instead of observable dramatic action is "telling versus showing."

Exposition

Melinda and Kelly had been best friends since the first grade. They were closer than sisters and shared everything.

Observable dramatic action

Kelly plucked a handful of french fries off Melinda's lunch tray. "My brown boots would look great with your new skinny jeans. You should wear them to the dance Friday."

• Don't use passive voice!

Passive voice is when you place the object being acted upon before the initiator of the action, or make the initiator unclear.
For example "The car was hit" rather than "Jason hit the car."

Here's a helpful trick: If you can insert the phrase "by zombies" after the verb and the sentence still makes sense, then you've used passive voice.

The tree was struck by zombies.

Lightning struck the tree.

The second sentence is active.

• Dependent clause

A dependent clause cannot stand alone as a sentence [dependent clause comma independent clause].

For example: While she was asleep, the dog ate her homework.

A dependent clause with "ing" verb implies simultaneous action. You should limit the number of these on one page.

For example: Pressing his lips together, he hesitated.

•  Split infinitive

A split infinitive is when you put an adverb between "to" and a verb.
For example "to generously sprinkle" or "to boldly go."

Instead of

You have to really watch him.

Try

You have to watch him closely.

• Avoid waffling words

Words that don't add meaning and can usually be eliminated: actually, basically, quite, definitely, really, truly, ultimately, very

• Avoid filter words

Filter words distance the reader for the point of view of the character. Words like: saw, heard, felt, knew, watched, decided, noticed, realized, wondered, thought, looked.

Instead of

Melinda knew she had to get out of there.

Try

Melinda had to get out of there. (Or) She had to get out of there.

• Don't use 20 words when 5 will do

I don't think I need to explain the last one. 

That's it for today. I hope my notes made sense and maybe helped you out a little bit. Next time maybe we'll tackle adverbs.

Disclaimer: Even though I may be familiar with the above rules, I'm sure I haven broken most of them at one time or another -- probably even in this post.

On the Heels of Pitch Wars

I recently took part in Pitch Wars. It was a contest for aspiring writers to get some help shining up their manuscripts and then pitch to a panel of awesome agents. They had 592 writers apply for the contest. And while I didn't get matched up with a mentor, I feel like I still walked away a winner.

• I received some awesome feedback.
• I will be getting a critique of my query and first five pages.
• I connected with a lot of talented writers.
• The mentors started CPseek.com. A community for writers to find others to bounce ideas off of and find new critique partners or beta readers.

• And one mentor offered to scout through the entries for two independent publishers.

All of this really gave me the boost I needed, as I had been stuck in a rut for a while. Query. Reject. Query. Reject. Query. Reject. Revise query. Reject. Query. Reject. Query. Reject. Query. Reject. Revise query. Reject. Query. Reject. Query. Reject. Well...you get the picture.

I updated my sad lonely blog, wrote this post, and added the 2,876,369 edition of my query. That may be an exaggeration, but I'm not sure. And, as we head into the holidays I have some hope, some work, and a lot of thinking to do. What's my next step?

photo credit: Nic's events via photopin cc

Letting Your Family Read Your Work

Over at the The Graceful Doe's Blog she did a post on Why You Shouldn't Ask Your Spouse's Opinion. I've seen this kind of advice before: don't let your family read your manuscript. I understand the reasoning; family members will have a biased opinion for their loved ones, they are excited to see what you've worked so hard on, and they don't want to hurt your feelings.

Well, that's most families.

My oldest (teen) daughter has always been an avid reader. She is excellent with grammar and punctuation, and can offer an in-depth review of the books she's read. Even though I was working with a critique partner, I really wanted a teen to read my young adult novel, and I thought she could be quite handy to have in my corner. I say could, with a grain of salt and a dash of hope, because she can also be quite critical.

In fact, for over a year she downright refused to read it.

At first when I asked, she said s didn't want to because she didn't think I would even finish writing it.

Fair enough.

When I asked her to read my completed and revised manuscript, she quite honestly replied, "I don't think I'm going to like it."

Okay, I know that was harsh. Please don't judge her. Trust me, I'm judging her enough for all of us. Just kidding. We really do have a wonderful relationship.

Then one day she said if I wanted to download it onto her Nook, she would read it. I casually said, "Okay, whatev."

I had to force myself to leave her alone, and not stare over her shoulder. I thought I would literally crawl out of my skin, waiting for her to finish.

Luckily, she is a fast reader.

Thankfully, she couldn't put it down.

But then the brat my lovely daughter didn't say anything. I tried not to push her, coolly asking, "So ... uh, what'd ya think?"

She flashed me a funny smile and sighed. I immediately realized what was going on -- she doesn't like to admit when she's wrong. I kept a straight face and waited. Finally, she said, "It's awesome."

That honestly is a moment I will never forget. It meant so much to me. As did her excitement as she discussed a certain character and that characters conclusion.

So, that's my story. Do you have a story about sharing your work with family?

Salem and the Stoughton Name

I've always had a fascination with the Salem Witch Trials. I actually enjoyed learning about that part of history. Ancient Greece, not so much. As a kid we even went to Salem, Massachusetts, and visited all the historical sites. So cool!
Imagine my surprise when years later I realized I had married into a name associated with the witch trials. Okay. So, he wasn't really a good guy. But still.
Of course then when I started writing REACH, I had to add that historical element. Write what you're passionate about, right?
And it was really fun doing those chapters.

William Stoughton (July 7, 1631 – September 30, 1701) was in charge of what have come to be known as the Salem Witch Trials, first as the Chief Justice of the Special Court of Oyer and Terminer in 1692, and then as the Chief Justice of the Superior Court of Judicature in 1693. He ruled over the trials with the determination to eradicate all witches from Massachusetts Bay Colony - heavily influenced by his conservative religious convictions.
-excerpts taken from Wikipedia [link above] and Salem Witch Trials Documentary Archive and Transcription Project.

Writing and Webbed Toes

Months ago I typed what I thought would be the final chapter of my first novel. I couldn’t have been more wrong, and if it weren’t for the on-line writing community, I might have sent my manuscript off before I was ready.

I have Therese Walsh of Writer Unboxed to thank for pointing me in the right direction. I met Therese on release day of The Last Will of Moira Leahy at our local Barnes & Noble. She was my first connection to the writing community; up until that point, I was on my own. Now, I’m connected with writers and agents through Twitter – which then leads you to their blogs, where these brilliant people share their advice and wisdom.

Well, I’m not on my own anymore. I also have my best friend and fellow writer, Paula. We met about ten years ago, when I worked with her husband. Right away I thought she was way-cool, but busy lives and different schedules didn’t allow for us to build a relationship at the time, and a short time later I left that job. Then last fall, because of my new online presence, we found each other. We’ve been pretty much inseparable ever since.

Paula has been a huge inspiration and sounding board for my writing. Being an aspiring writer can be a lonely journey, especially when friends and family don’t understand your dedication and drive: to not only complete a novel, but to actually want to be published.

It’s a little freaky how much Paula and I have in common -- that's us in the picture. We're like kindred spirits. We both write YA. We’re both a little nuts. And we both have webbed toes. (Maybe that was a little too much information?)

Anyway, I’m happy to announce that at approximately 8:00 pm on May 19, 2010

I finished writing my first novel!

The feeling of accomplishment is tremendous, and I know that with Paula’s help and the advice of the all the awesome people I follow (check them out) I will be prepared for the still long journey ahead.

Here are some links I found helpful and relevant to the stage I’m at, in the last week alone:
The Graceful Doe's Blog post titled More Helpful Writing Sites and Blog Posts, and she mentions ...
Jody Hedlund's blog post on the editing process, in addition to other helpful sites.
QueryTracker.net Blog, because ... well, I don't need a reason, they're just that good.
Random Daily Thoughts, because this post sounded so much like me.
Guide to Literary Agents, because they've got it all.

Root Canal, Anyone?

I would say that posting to my blog is like pulling teeth, but I used to be a dental assistant, and I know that pulling teeth isn’t really that hard. Now a root canal, that’s a little more difficult. It takes time and precision to get to the apex. That much more describes my problem. I’ll explain.
Time: if I’m at the computer I’m working on my ms.
Precision: I don’t want to ramble.
Apex or “the point”: I have a hard time coming up with a topic to blog about, and that’s the real problem.

I don’t feel I’m someone to offer advice on the craft of writing, especially since there are so many great blogs with great advice out there. Since I’m still working on editing and polishing my ms, there’s not a whole lot to tell. But, I’m hoping to start querying soon, and with that, I can blog about my experience with the process.

That being said, I do have a little something I can share with you, although there’s not much to tell. A week ago I submitted a (humorous) poem for a book to be published 2011. It is my first submission ... ever. Wow, it was hard clicking on that submit button. But the moment I did, I was filled with excitement and relief.

Then, this weekend I found a new writers group – about 25 people – writers of all kinds. That’s way more than I’ve read to before. I was so nervous getting up in front of them. I read the poem that I had just submitted (which by the way I hadn’t read anywhere before) and to my absolute delight … it was a hit! I found myself having to wait for the laughter to die down before starting the next stanza.
Yeah, they got it! Cue Sally Fields acceptance speech. Yes, that was going through my head as I went back to my seat.

Hey look at that, in telling you that I have nothing to talk about, I talked about something. Uh-oh, I might be breaking my “no rambling” rule.

Happy New Year!

I am so excited about 2010. I have plans and goals, and sadly I feel like this is a first for me.
I feel like I’ve gone through most of my life being clueless.
Just like my 16th birthday, when my mom, with the help of my best friend, threw me a surprise party. Not only did I not pick up on the numerous slip ups by invitees, but I kept thinking we were all going to a school dance.
Then there was the unexpected, “Let’s leave early and go to the mall before the dance,” my friend said.
Okay, that sounds fun. No flags.
Then the sudden “I need to use the bathroom can we stop at your house?”
Okay my house was closest. No flags.
How about all the cars parked on the street in front of my house. You’d think, but no flags.
How about when I saw two of my friends at the bottom of the basement stairs -where our family room was? Still nothing. Well, worse than nothing.
I turned to my friend and said, “I wonder why they’re not going to the dance.”
She looked at me blankly. I realize now that she was waiting for it to HIT. It didn’t. “I wonder why they’re hanging out with my mom, when I’m not here.”
I didn’t figure it all out until I was dragged into the room filled with kids, and I saw a banner that said, Happy Birthday Michaele!
“Oh, I get it now!”
It took the words –in black and white - to get through to me.
That’s what it felt like when I started writing my first novel. “Oh, I get it now!” I only wish it didn’t take so long for me to figure it out. But now, I’m where I want to be in life and I know that 2010 is going to be a roller coaster ride for me. And as much as I hate roller coasters, I will bravely get in the car, and pull down the lap bar. Then as I look to the car ahead and the car behind, I see that I’ve got family and friends who are ready to take the ride with me.

Road Trip

Remember Mommy’s new car – I first blogged about it in the November 18th post?
She did eventually get a top for it, and one weekend she announced, “We’re going to Reno!”
She wanted me to see snow – for the first time.
On our way back to the San Francisco Bay area it was cold, and slippery. We came to a stretch of road that had recently been plowed, but a sheet of ice remained. The car spun out of control. Around and around we went, down the wide desolate road.
When we came to a stop, Mom sighed in relief, realizing that we were okay.
While I giggled uncontrollably, “That was fun, do it again!”
So, she did. Again, and again, she spun donuts. Just to make me laugh.

Though it seems that my Mom was not aware of a car’s need for antifreeze, and soon learned what can happen without it: a cracked engine block.
That’s pretty bad, right? Well, remember, this is my Mom we’re talking about … it gets worse. The car caught on fire ... in the parking lot, while picking me up from daycare the next day.
Yes, that would be the same daycare I mentioned before. And once again, like she had on many other occasions, the snooty Mrs. Armstrong rolled her eyes as she watched us leave, hoping we would never come back.
You might be asking, what ever happened to the cute little convertible?
Well, Mom only had the car about six months. She had one problem after another with it, and the fire was the last straw.
She had the car towed to the dealership that night. She left the keys inside, with a note that read:
To whom it may concern;
I am sorry, but I cannot take care of this car anymore.
You can have it back.

My Writing and Editing Process

A little over a year ago I wrote the first words of my first young adult novel. I didn’t have a plan, or an outline, just a couple of characters and a hint of an idea (that’s right, not even a complete idea). So, I just started writing – and I do mean writing, with pencil and paper. Page after page I scribbled down what ever came into my head. After about thirty pages I began trying to decipher my notes and copy them into the computer. It didn’t take long for me to realize it was easier to skip the first step and ditch the pencil and paper.
I had no idea what I was doing in the beginning, but kept at it. The plot changed over and over as the characters evolved. The more I wrote the better I got. I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote, and then I wrote some more. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, now the process of editing.
I’ll break my novel into three main parts and my problem.
1. My protagonist, Melinda, is a present day sixteen year old girl. She’s a normal teenager, with not so normal problems.
2. My story started with a small prologue. Don’t cringe like I just said a bad word. I know a lot of people have issues with prologues. I was on the fence about it myself, but I needed to write a historical piece that would explain the world that Melinda was to uncover. Problem was, over time my small prologue grew. Eventually I had a prologue that was upwards of twenty pages. Not cool. But I felt that revealing more about the characters from the past, gave more weight to the journey in the present.
3. In addition to Melinda, I had Luke, a present day seventeen year old boy, and the link to the past that I mentioned. His story was unfolding at its’ own pace.
My problem – how do I cohesively blend these things together?
The process I used to overcome this obstacle was the very technical, not for the faint at heart. I call it Operation-sticky-notes. I had seen it done before, and wasn’t sure I could take it on, but I did.
Each sticky note represented a scene or chapter. I started by writing the time and place at the top, followed by some key points. Then I laid them all out in front of me and studied them. In no time at all, my chapters had found sequential heaven. What a great feeling when everything comes together and works!

Why I Write

I began writing – mostly poems – as a withdrawn teenager. It was like therapy, or an emotional outlet (more on my angst later). At the time I didn’t have the self-esteem to think that I could share any of my work. After all, no one listened to me when I spoke, why would I let them see my thoughts? Then life took over, otherwise known as practicality: job, marriage, and children. I was now a happier person, but had less time for my own guilty pleasures.
Over the years, as the children grew, I started dabbling again. I wrote some poetry, and I wrote and illustrated a couple of children’s books. I had the need to create, but couldn’t find my niche. I wanted to write something more profound than children’s picture books, but not necessarily adult topics. Then I found YA. I have fallen in love. I think about writing day and night. And I observe more of life thinking, how would I write that?
My goal is to create characters, and a story that my reader can connect with. I want to evoke true emotions, that leave you with a catch in your breath, or a quiver in your chest. I want you to feel a weakness in your limbs, and think about it when you go to sleep.