Monday, December 14, 2015

{Review} Wolfe Island by Giulia Torre

I gave it 4 stars ~ A fun read!

I heard Giulia Torre do a short read of Wolfe Island at a local event and had to get the book. I hadn't read anything from this time frame before, but I was drawn in by the author's lovely description of the scenery and lifestyle.

Meredith is a spunky, go-getter, who doesn't always follow the rules. She was fun and lively, and so likable. I love Tristan! He is handsome, refined and a powerful businessman. But the thing that makes him even more attractive is how different he is when he's with Meredith. He softens. He loves her for who she is, even though she may not fit the mold of who a man of his stature should be with.

This was a fun read. Meredith will make you laugh and Tristan will make you swoon. I look forward to the next book in the series.

Monday, December 7, 2015

{Review} The Gladiator's Mistress by Jennifer D. Bokal

I gave it 4 stars ~ A fun and sexy read!

This was a new genre for me, but I heard the author do a short reading at our local library and I just had to get the book. I thoroughly enjoyed it! I loved the author's description of ancient Rome and its people. I had no problem imagining what life was like in that time -- and how difficult it was to survive, let alone be happy.


The Gladiator's Mistress has plenty of action, with battles in the arena. Loads of tension, with Phaedra and Valens fighting their forbidden attraction. And steamy romance. I want a Valens of my own! I thought all the characters were well developed, likable and perfectly flawed. I even found myself sympathetic to the antagonists because the rules and their reasons were always clear.


I was happy to hear Ms. Bokal has a second book in the series coming soon. I will be snatching that one up as well!

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Pleasantwick has a book trailer!



This was my first experience with book trailers. It was kind of fun. I learned a lot. What do you think?

Here are the websites I used for free music and photos:

http://www.freeimages.com
http://www.freedigitalphotos.net
http://audionautix.com
I manipulated the photos using GIMP 2

Monday, November 9, 2015

{Review} Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

I gave it 4 stars (but it was more like 3 1/2) ~ An okay read.

Our book club chose Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children as our October read, expecting a creepy, haunting thriller. It was not. And that was the most disappointing part of the book for me. I really hate when the back cover blurb is misleading. I might have felt completely different if I'd known what to expect -- or in this case, not expect.

I thought the writing was very good -- similar in style to John Green. I enjoyed the characters and their strange abilities, and the photographs were a fun addition to go along with the read. However, I found the pacing a little slow at times, and the ending a little abrupt.

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children is listed as young adult, but I felt that the story telling and characters seemed geared more toward middle grade/younger teens. I'll probably pick up the second book, but I'm definitely not in a rush.

Friday, October 16, 2015

Heaven's Forgotten Blog Tour


Tour Participants:
·        October 12th, 2015 http://filingwords.blogspot.com/
·        October 13th, 2015
·        October 14th, 2015 http://chrisan081.wix.com/pagehungrybookworm
·        October 15th, 2015 http://www.citygirlscapes.com/
·        October 16th, 2015 http://mlstoughton.blogspot.com/
·        October 18th, 2015


About the Book:


Title: Heaven’s Forgotten
Author: Branden Johnson
Genre: Dark Fantasy

Synopsis:

Moira just wants a normal life for her daughter, Penelope. And sometimes, it seems like she has achieved it. Penelope is a sweet, smart, and precocious four-year-old girl. However, she is also the product of Moira’s affair with an angel. Her parentage gives Penelope strength far beyond what any child should possess. It also makes her the target of fallen angels who intend to use her mysterious powers as their way back into Heaven. Worse yet, one of those fallen angels is her own father. Now, Moira finds herself caught up in a terrifying struggle for Penelope’s life against beings more powerful than she can imagine. And when Penelope’s true power is revealed, it will shake the foundations of reality.

Suspenseful and action-packed, Heaven’s Forgotten demonstrates the power of a mother’s love against the longest odds in Heaven and on earth.

Author Bio:

Branden Johnson is a writer living near Chicago with his wonderful wife and hyperactive chihuahua. When he’s not writing, he’s playing music in the post-rock band These Guys These Guys. Heaven’s Forgotten is his first novel. 




Tuesday, September 29, 2015

6 Blurb Writing Tips

When I first decided to self-publish, I scoured the internet for advice and help. Let's face it, as a self-pubber, every aspect of getting my book ready and out into the public was going to be up to me. And I had a lot of learning to do.

Now that I've got some experience under my belt, I like to pay it forward. (You can check out my other tips under the self-publishing tag.)

So here are my tips on blurb writing.

A Blurb is not a synopsis – A synopsis is a brief rundown of your entire book. It usually gives away the secrets and the ending. A blurb should hint at those secrets.
For example, a blurb makes you ask, “What’s in the box?!”
The synopsis will tell you what’s in the box. And to be honest, if I’d known what was in the box, I wouldn’t have watched the movie. DON’T GIVE TOO MUCH AWAY.

Keep away from expository writing – This isn’t the place for long descriptions of backstory or setting, or even describing a character.

It should be enticing – Think of it like a commercial or a movie trailer. Make you want more. If it helps read your blurb like the famous movie trailer voice of Don LaFontaine. 
               

It should be short and punchy – Make every word count. Use emotive words, concentrating on actions.

Present tense – This isn’t a hard rule, it’s just usually how they’re done. I dare you to pick up any book and read the back cover, odds are, it’s written in present tense. The blurb doesn’t have to be written in the same tense as the story.

Third person – Again the POV doesn’t have to match the story, generally blurbs are written in third person. However, there are some awesome blurbs written in first. Just make sure you have a great voice and reason for using it.

Below I have an example of a blurb I helped a writer with. Check out the before and after.

Original:

“Crestfall University, founded in 1786, derived its name from the twelve founding families of the school itself. The six Native families were cast out of their tribes, and six families of European descent were emancipated from their founders once their dream of a school of equality was set forth into becoming a reality. To commemorate the losses that each group had endured, the familial crests – and in the Native’s case, tribal symbols – were woven into the school itself. ‘Crestfall’ was born under the idea that each family had ‘fallen from grace’ in the eyes of their elders, and so the name of the school itself is a reminder of one of the many sacrifices which the founders made.” 

While most colleges struggle with rival football teams, these walls hide a different kind of rivalry. 
A rivalry between the mind and heart. 
Love versus lust. 
Good versus Evil. 

Crestfall University stands tall and regal against the forested backdrop of Unity, South Dakota, and numerous secrets lie among it's stone walls. Two sisters learn the hard way that their fates within the halls of Crestfall offer much more than a degree, and that blood is thicker - and stranger - than water. 

Sailor Landwell is a dedicated pre-med student whose only goal is to graduate with honors and attend the finest medical school possible. 
Amelia Landwell is less than focused but thinks she has finally found her calling in anthropology. 
Meeting gorgeous frat boys Rafe Catori and Marrok Tala seems like the icing on the collegiate cake, until it becomes painfully obvious that the two of them are keeping secrets bigger than the Landwell sisters could ever imagine. How far will they go to uncover to truths of Crestfall, and more importantly, at what price? Murder, mystery, and the supernatural collide in Crestfall - Book One of The Crestfall Saga, the debut novel from Ashelia Raven. 

Edited version:

Sisters, Sailor and Amelia Landwell are excited to start their first semester at their grandfather’s alma mater, Crestfall University. While Amelia is less than focused, Sailor plans to get through the next couple of years with no distractions, graduate with honors, and go on to the finest medical school possible.

Enter distraction number one, the sexy and playful frat boy, Rafe Catori. The more Sailor tries to keep her distance, the stronger her attraction to Rafe grows. It doesn’t help that his best friend has taken a liking to her sister, Amelia, so the boys are always hanging around.

Soon, the Landwell sisters realize the frat boys are keeping secrets bigger than they could ever imagine. And that while most colleges struggle with rival football teams, the walls of Crestfall University hide a different kind of rivalry. One that could mean life or death. But how far will they go to uncover to truth, and more importantly, at what price?

------

What do you think? Better?
Since I used Ashelia Raven's book as an example, I'll include the link for her book Crestfall. You can also check out my review of Crestfall in an earlier post.

I love helping out and reworking blurbs. Do you need help? Let me know.



Friday, September 25, 2015

{Review} Crystal Magic by Madeline Freeman



I gave it 4 stars ~ Good read!

Crystal Magic is a young adult story reminiscent of The Secret Circle.

Most of the story revolves around the main character Kristyl Barnette adapting to life in a new town and new school, living with her aunt, after her mother is killed in a car accident. She didn’t fit in at her last school, so she hopes for a new start in Clearwater.

I liked Kristyl (Krissa) and her new friends Owen, Lexie, Bria, Felix and West. Owen is a doll and I loved their blossoming relationship. But of course, there must be teenage drama, and that came with mean girl, Crystal Jamison (which is why Kristyl starts going by Krissa). Later, when mean girl Crystal starts trying to befriend Krissa (for reasons I won’t spoil) I felt bad for Krissa being pulled in different directions.

I thought the writing was good. I could picture the scenes, without too much telling. The story seemed well edited, with limited typos. Although, I could’ve done without the main character “biting her lower lip” so many times (I think around 37) and it did get a little confusing and repetitive with Kristyl Barnette, Crystal Jamison and her aunt Crystal Taylor, and a magical crystal.  

I’d recommend Crystal Magic. I thought it was entertaining and I'll likely read book 2, Wild Magic.


Monday, August 24, 2015

Happy Monday to You!

Hope your Monday wasn't too bad,
and you were able to steer clear of delinquent pandas. 


What an ass!


Anyway, in an effort to have more of an online presence, I decided to start posting book reviews on my blog. I mean, why not, if I'm already doing a review.

I've got two reviews for you today. First up...


Song Magick by Elisabeth Hamill.


I gave it 5 stars ~ An enchanting YA fantasy.

I haven’t read anything like Song Magick before, it was a nice change.

The thing that stood out most for me was the beautiful writing. Hamill has a unique way with words that capture the beauty of fantasy and bring it to life; this was especially vital to her wonderful world building. I truly enjoyed the medieval-style realm where the story takes place. 


The characters were well developed, Telyn is strong-willed and Mithrais is swoon worthy. I loved the chemistry between them. Even the secondary characters seemed fully realized and gave reason to either love or hate them.


This story has plenty of action, drama, and romance. I’d love to see more of these characters and more from this author.



Next up...



Cloak of Shadows by CK Dawn


I gave it 4 stars ~ I'd recommend.


Cloak of Shadows is a hard one for me to rate and review. It was a little more fantasy than I’m used to, so sometimes I had a hard time with the supernatural terms. But I can say this, the Netherwalkers are creepy and the thought of them being real and only seen as strange shadow lurking in a dark corner. EEEK!

The blurb seems like the story is supposed to be about fourteen-year-old Abby and her mentor Lourdie, and I think that’s how younger readers will feel. But for me, it felt more like the story was about Lourdie and her side-kick Abby. Not that it was a problem. I just thought I’d mention it, because I think the story will appeal to wide variety of readers.

I really liked Lourdie. She’s totally cool and kick-ass. Abby was a little more on the annoying side, like a little sister. I enjoyed the love interests with both of the girls. While Abby’s was a little more on the sweet side, the banter between Lourdie and Temple was fun. (I’d like to order my own Temple, please.)

The book started a little slow for me, but in the end there was a lot of action.

------

So that's it for me today.
Enjoy your week!
  



{Review} Crestfall by Ashelia Raven




I gave it 4 stars ~ Fun read!

Crestfall is a new adult paranormal fantasy with a wonderful blend of the college life, secrets and supernatural beings. It was a fun read with loads of physical attraction, witty banter, and action.

Ashelia Raven seems to have a knack for writing fight scenes, which had me flipping the pages well into the night. I thought the characters were likable and well-developed. However, I found the POV changes slightly jarring at times. (I think this can easily be fixed just by adding ***) While I thought the writing was good, I did find quite a few punctuation errors. Again, an easy fix. So I still gave Crestfall four stars because I enjoyed the story.

I received a free copy of Crestfall from Ashelia Raven in exchange for an honest review.




Friday, August 14, 2015

{Review} Whispers in Autumn by Trisha Leigh


I gave it 4 stars ~ Great read!

Whispers in Autumn is a young adult sci-fi dystopian that had me hooked from the beginning. I’ll admit I haven’t read much in the way of sci-fi before, but I probably will now. I liked the creepiness of the mind control, and the fences and cameras. It made me worry for Althea, being different. I was so afraid she’d make a mistake and get caught.

I wanted Althea to be more accepting of Lucas in the beginning, because I really liked him. But then again, I think the tension was appropriate and not too “love at first sight.” I love them together!


I thought the characters were well developed and I had no problem picturing their world. I will admit that I was confused at times and found myself questioning some things, that’s why I gave it four stars. However, I feel like over the course of the series some of those things may get fleshed out more along the way. I look forward to the next book, Winter Omens.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

#TalkFear #MentalHealthAwareness

Today's post comes from Louise Gornall's Blog, bookishblurb. She started a movement called #TalkFear on Twitter and has been running the #TalkFear series on her blog. The idea is for people to share their deepest fears, in hopes that 1) with awareness brings understanding, and 2) maybe others won't feel so alone about their own fears.


Here is my story. My fear. 


Besides the somewhat normal – and widely felt – fear of spiders, which results in a flailing dance of the heebie jeebies, I suffer from a fear that is much more debilitating: Religiophobia. (An irrational or obsessive fear or anxiety of religion, religious faith, religious people or religious organizations.)

What may seem like a simple thing can send me into a panic: church music, accidentally turning on a religious TV show, Jehovah’s Witnesses at my door. I see people on social media respond to an illness or death and say something about Jesus (or God) taking him/her in his arms, and I know that others find comfort in these words. Not me.

Anxiety and panic.

The funny this is I think churches are beautiful. On the outside. Just don’t make me step inside.

This fear stems from an event that happened when I was eleven-years-old, separated from my family, and subjected to hours of religious scare tactics, all in an effort to “save me.”

I was truly terrified I’d never see my family again.





I find my fear difficult to talk about. Not many people know. For one thing, religion can be quite controversial, even taboo.

I’m afraid you’ll judge me or think it’s an invitation to tell me about your church, because your church is good and friendly and I’d love the people. Please don’t. (Yes. This has happened.)

I’m also afraid you’ll think I’m judging you. But that REALLY isn’t the case. (If I’m going to judge you, it’ll be on how you treat other people, and animals.)

My mother understood my fear, but didn’t truly see how it affected me until around ten years ago. We’d decided to treat ourselves to a day at a spa, an hour from home. It was a colorful autumn drive to a beautiful converted hundred-year-old house. We’d had a wonderful, relaxing day.

At the end of the day, we were checking out the gift shop and chatting with the owner. She mentioned we were the day’s last clients, but told us to take our time. I’d noticed a few people come in, but I never really got a look at them. The owner would say hello and direct them to the larger, main room of the house. Then, as I went to leave, I walked past the main room. There had to be almost a dozen people gathered … every one of them held a Bible in their hands.


Sheer panic.


I turned toward the exit.


Heart racing.


Two more people were walking through the door, each with a Bible tucked in the crook of their arm. They were meeting for Bible study.


CAN’T BREATHE.


In those few seconds, all the good from a day of relaxation and massage escaped my body. I was sick, shaky, and tense.


The worst part of what happened when I was little was that these were people I trusted, a family in the neighborhood who had a daughter around my age.  At first I blamed them; that family, and their interpretation of the Bible and misguided ways of spreading its word. But then I saw that it wasn’t just their interpretation, but a whole religion. And that’s how religion works. It endorses herd mentality. Then the herds clash, causing countless wars and killings.


Did you know there are roughly 4200 different religions around the world? This terrifies me.




Monday, April 20, 2015

Free for 2 days only!


I recently signed up with Kindle Unlimited, and decided to start off with a BANG.


I'm offering PLEASANTWICK...

*** FREE for 2 DAYS ONLY***
(April 20th and 21st)

Don't have a Kindle? They offer a free Kindle app for your many devices.

Click HERE for my Amazon page.

As always, I'd love to hear from my readers.
Please consider leaving a review on
Amazon and/or Goodreads.

Monday, March 30, 2015

You've Decided to Self-Publish. Now What?

You've written a book, passed it on to critique partners and beta readers, revised and edited, now the work really begins ... getting your precious work published.

Maybe you've tried the traditional route to no avail, or knew all along that you wanted to self-publish. Either way, knowing where to begin and what to expect can be daunting.

Here is "MY VERSION" of a to-do-list (marked with $ if there is a possible cost associated):

1. Decide your release date - You may not be ready right now. But start thinking about it. It will make the whole planning process easier.


2. Hire an editor ($) - I knew this might take the longest (depending on the editor's availability and length of process) so it's the first thing I did. There are a lot of them out there. It helps if you can get a referral from someone, but do your homework and ask questions. (What type of editing they offer? How many passes do they offer? etc...) This will also, most likely, be the most expensive part of the self-publishing process. 


3. Hire a cover artist ($) - I did this right away as well. I had decided years ago who I'd use if I ever got to this point in my writing career. I knew I'd have to wait to get a slot in her schedule.


4. Build a website ($) - I decided to create my own using GoDaddy. I had basic skills, but it can be time consuming and may not be for everyone.

5. Write 2 author bios - A short one and a long one. You'll need these many times along the way.


6. Get a nice author photo taken ($) - It doesn't have to be professionally done and costly, but it shouldn't be a selfie in your car or a photo where you've cropped out the person next to you at the party. It should be good quality and ideally have two versions (high-resolution for print and low-resolution for online use).  


7. Write the back cover blurb - Like a query, this can be tough to write. In the end, I paid my editor to write it (cost was minimal) but not all of them offer this type of service. It's also a good idea to prepare ...

  • A short (1 or 2 sentence) summary. So you have an answer when people ask "What's your book about?"
  • A tagline
  • Several enticing tweetables (meaning less than 140 characters)

8. Write your acknowledgements page

9. Write your copyright page


10. Make a list of keywords - You'll need these when uploading to different sites. The more the better.


11. Start creating buzz - Add your book to Goodreads, do cover reveals, blog tours, etc...




Secondary to-do-list - Once you have your edits complete and you're ready to move on:


1. Add your front and back matter to your document - Keep placement in mind. I suggest title and copyright page first, then manuscript, followed by acknowledgements and about the author, because:

   A) Readers may stop reading. Put the important stuff first.
   B) Putting it all at the front is a pain to scroll through on an e-reader and it affects the length of your all-important sample pages.


2. Now you need to properly format your document ($) - Undoubtedly, you've spent months, even years working on your book. Don't cut corners now, and turnout a sub-par product. I did a lot of research on the proper formats for uploading your book to the various sales channels.

Disclaimer: I AM NOT AN EXPERT. But this is what I found.


Sure you can just export an .epub file from your word processor or use a conversion service, and it might work okay for some eBook readers. But on other readers it could be a mess. And there's nothing more frustrating that purchasing an eBook and running into formatting errors.


However, If properly formatted, you'll end up with a professional looking book that is free of formatting errors on any device. (And chances are, you'll sell more eBook copies than physical copies.)


If you create an HTML file as your source for your eBook, you'll take a lot of the guessing out of the equation. An HTML file will always look the same, no matter what device or software is being used.


Guido Henkel has a nine-part series on Taking pride in your eBook formatting


If you aren't comfortable with formatting, you can hire a formatter.


3. You'll need multiple versions of your document -

   1) A MOBI file for Amazon
   2) An EPUB file for Barnes & Noble and KOBO
   3) A PDF for Createspace, using their templates.
   4) A clean Microsoft Word document for Smashwords, using their style guide.

3. Decide on pricing - I found that each site had user friendly conversion tables and explained prices and royalties pretty well.

4.ISBN numbers - (International Standard Book Number) is a unique code that identifies, among other things, the publisher of the book. Each edition needs its own (ie, hard cover, paperback, and digital copies). They can be purchased through Bowker (US only). However, for most sites you don't need to purchase your own.


5. Upload to KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) - This is for the Amazon Kindle version of your book. They will assign an ASIN# (their tracking code) so no ISBN is required. This site is easy to navigate. I believe this process can take up to 48 hours before you see it go live. Bonus: they offer the availability for customers to pre-order before the release date. 

6. Upload to Createspace - This is for a paperback version of your book. They will assign a free ISBN number. I found this site easy to navigate. It may take a little longer to complete. You need to choose trim size, cover style, paper color, etc... From here, you can also allow "all distributions and libraries" -- a nice shortcut.

You can preview your book in a viewer, but I also recommend ordering a physical proof copy (approximately $5).  Mine came within four days, and I decided on changes after I saw it in print.
Once you've approved everything and clicked "Publish" it will take some time to appear.
24-48 hours to go live on your personal Createspace eStore.
3-5 days for Amazon
6-8 weeks for expanded market

6. Upload to NOOK Press - This is for the Barnes & Noble Nook. They will assign their own tracking number. No ISBN required. This site was also easy to navigate. Once you click "Publish" your book will appear on their site within 72 hours. You can also link if you have a print book available. I believe it took about three weeks for the print version to be appear on the B&N website.


There are a lot of different sites and devices out there. For me, these were the main ones, so I'm not going to go into them all. 


7. Plan release day!



----------------
As I said before, I'm not an expert. This is not the only way to self-publish, it's just the way I did it. I hope at least some of it was helpful. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I'll do what I can to come up with an answer.

Good luck to you! 





Saturday, March 14, 2015

Should Indie Authors Hire Editors?

Recently I retweeted this meme. -->

“Have several writer friends proofread.”

At the time I thought it seemed like decent advice, at least it’s something if you can’t afford, and therefore, won’t be hiring an editor.

It’s not.

As an author self-publishing, it is your duty to hire the proper professionals.

Hiring a cover artist and having a great cover gets readers to pick-up your book.

"Oooh! This looks good."


Bad editing will make a reader put it down.

"Meh. Maybe not so much."

Bad editing is what gives self-publishing a bad name — and we’re not talking about asking your aunt, who happens to be an English teacher, to proofread your manuscript. You need a proper editor.

Think about it. A publisher would never receive a manuscript and send it right to print without going over it with a fine-tooth comb, whether you're a new or seasoned author. And they aren’t only looking for spelling and punctuation.

Things your editor will be looking for


  • Tightening sentences

Cut superfluous words –
Why say it in five words when three will do? Novel writing isn’t like middle school essay writing. I’m sure you know what I mean. We all did it, added extra “ands” or anything else we could to fill that 2-page essay. More words doesn’t mean better.
Example:  The manager of the bank
Instead:  The bank manager

Cut repetitive words –
For example:  She walked over to the door and opened the door.
Instead:  She walked over and opened the door.

Not just in the same sentence:  A chill settled on her skin. She wrapped her arms around herself, but couldn’t chase the chill away.
Instead:  A chill settled on her skin. She wrapped her arms around herself, but couldn’t chase it away.

These are just things that tend to stand out or trip up a reader, taking them out of the story.


  • Consistency

Be consistent with your spelling and terms.
For example:  If you’ve been referring to a weapon as a knife, don’t suddenly call it a dagger; or reference a soul, when up til now it’s been a spirit.

Use consistent style guides. (Chicago Manual, APA, MLA, etc...)
For example:  AM/PM vs A.M./P.M. and ok vs okay


  • Punctuation

Watch for correct use of and commonly misused punctuation. A big no-no is excessive exclamation marks. They should be used sparingly and almost never in narrative.


  • Grammar

Making sure of correct use of words like:  was/were, is/are, who/whom, further/farther, lay/lie, and so on...

Watching for things like:  clich├ęs, split infinitives, and overuse of dependent clauses ending in “ing”


  • Dialogue tags

Keep them simple:  said, asked, whispered, shouted, etc…

In addition to keeping it simple, try:  “Nice to meet you,” he said.
Instead of:  “Nice to meet you,” he said to her.

Watch for excessive dialogue tags. You don’t always need one. Try adding action to convey mood and speaker.
Example:  "I'm stuffed," Dan said. He was so full, he couldn't eat another bite.
Try:  Dan threw his napkin on his plate and leaned back and stretched. “I’m stuffed.”


  • Tense and POV

Making sure the tense stays consistent throughout your story:  past or present

Watch for head-hopping. This is different from an omniscient point-of-view. Head-hopping is when the point-of-view switches characters within a single scene, and without proper transition. The writing can feel choppy. The reader can become confused and feel disconnected, not knowing who they are supposed to identify with.

I found a great example of head-hopping (shown below) on THIS blog.

Jake rolled down the window half an inch, a smirk spreading across his face. The slut would never find her way back without him, and no one would find her until the coyotes had picked her bones clean.

Anna yanked at the door handle. Her chest felt heavy, her lungs unwilling to suck in a full breath. “Unlock the door, Jake. This isn’t funny anymore.”

Jake’s cold blue eyes stared into hers. After all she’d made him suffer through, he was going to enjoy this moment. Savor it like a medium rare T-bone steak.

Now let’s break it apart.

Jake rolled down the window half an inch, a smirk spreading across his face. Sounds like we’re in someone else’s POV here. Someone who’s watching Jake. If we were in Jake’s POV, this would read Jake rolled down the window half an inch and smirked. The slut would never find her way back without him, and no one would find her until the coyotes had picked her bones clean. We’re hearing Jake’s thoughts in Jake’s voice. It’s him, not the author, thinking of Anna as a “slut.”

Anna yanked at the door handle. Her chest felt heavy, her lungs unwilling to suck in a full breath. Now we’re firmly in Anna’s head. Only she can describe how her chest feels and the dread settling there. “Unlock the door, Jake. This isn’t funny anymore.”



Jake’s cold blue eyes stared into hers. Still in Anna’s POV since she’s the one who can see Jake’s eye color. After all she’d made him suffer through, he was going to enjoy this moment. Savor it like a rare T-bone steak. Jake’s thoughts in Jake’s voice again.

I apologize if some of my examples are lame, but hopefully you get the idea.